CHILDHOOD STUFF: Return of the Horrorscope

James / May 29th, 2011

Another horoscope I did for the school newspaper, around age 10.

Having trouble reading? I’ll retype it. Having trouble understanding it? Can’t help you there.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19)
Are there any articles that you want to write? Enter the school newspaper club next month. I think a capricorn will.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18)
A bunch of frogs will crash through your window and a bunch of goats will be playing hockey on your roof.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20)
If you were born on a leap year, exactly on February 29, you won’t have a birthday on years that have no February 19th o! February. Your age will reset until the next February 29th. So, you will age slower. If you weren’t born on February 29, a giant moose will break into your house and eat all your food.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19)
.edam I tseT resaeT niarB eht yrT ?selzzup erom yrt annaW .sdrawkcab ti daer ouy fi esnes ekam dlouw siht derugif uoy fi revelc yrev era uoy !YEH

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)
Next time you are bored, wish for it and a clown will come down your chimney to entertain you. If you don’t have a chimney, don’t worry. He will stuff himself down that tiny chimney that’s connected to your heater. You’ll have to help him out then. Either that or he won’t entertain you. If you don’t have a heater chimney, too bad.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)
Only you. Only YOU can do this. If a full moon occurs on Friday the 13th, you will be able to jump over the moon. But, only at midnight. Try it out next time.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) AGAIN?
Watch out! You might trip or slip on something. I don’t know exactly what it is, but watch the floor as you walk.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
I’ve run out of ideas. Uh, let me think…….. Okay, I’ve got one. Look through a dictionary or better yet, a thesaurus. Find out knew words. Don’t use any slang words or curse words when you speak. Use big words. People will think you’re more intelligent.

LEO (July 23 to August 22)
You are going to have a real lucky day tomorrow. But, if you wanna risk having an even better day, simply say “I risk an even better day.” I suggest NOT to risk. It may turn out to be the worst day of your life.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22)
Don’t pick a yellow flower. It may put a curse on you. On the next Wednesday, at midnight, you will be stemmed to the ground the same way a flower is.

LIBRA (The next time you see the sun and the moon at the same time, try grabbing the sun with your left hand and the moon with your right hand. Then, slam them together.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21)
Try eating strange new things. They might taste good. I tried paper before. It tasted good. I’ve tried dog food. Now that tasted horrible. Some types of guinea pig food tasted good.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21)
Here’s something to try. Climb up the front of your house using NO ladder. Climb all the way over it and down on the other side. Climb over your house.




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